The Drakulich's...For Time and All Eternity

6 Months

2010-03-09T19:40:00.003-07:00

Today is the six month mark since Britt passed away. It's hard to believe we've been going through life these last six months without Britt here. It definitely isn't how I prefer to live life. I miss her as much today as I did the day she passed away. Not having her here certainly hasn't gotten any easier. If you step back for a few minutes though and look at everything that has happened to our family over these past six months it's obvious how prominent of a role Britt still plays in our lives. I think the kids and I feel her influence one way or another each and everyday...whether we realize it or not.

Over the past six months I've had several people tell me of dreams they've had of her. In every instance they comment that she has had long black hair. I really have no idea what she looks like now but when I picture her with her long black hair again, something that she hadn't had in years due to all the chemo, I can't wait to see that long, flowing black hair again.

This past week was a rough week for our family. On Saturday Harmony was baptized. This was a significant day for several reasons. First, when we found out Brittney was terminal her biggest goal was to live to see Harmony baptized...that was all she cared about was making it to that day. It was quite an emotional day without Britt here that day but I think we all felt extremely close to her throughout the day on Saturday. Second, this was an important step for Harmony and our family in our progression toward becoming an eternal family. Renae made Harmony's baptism dress. I couldn't believe how beautiful and grown up she looked. So much of Brittney is manifested through Harmony...it's really incredible. These last few months I really think Harmony has been the glue that's held our family together. She does so much for everyone...she's definitely not a typical 8 year old. It was so wonderful to have so many family and friends come out and support Harmony on her special day. I know I'll never forget that day.

I guess the significance of the six month mark today is that I realize I can do this. A lot of days I don't want to do it without Britt. A lot of days I get extremely frustrated and upset that she's not here to do this with me and share in these memories the kids and I are making...but I know she's never far. I have no idea how the next six months will be but I'm confident that what Britt says "Life if good with your family by your side" will hold true. That's all I need...although it doesn't hurt that the 2010 Baseball season is just 27 short days away. Go SOX!

I love you Britt...I miss you.

My Little Posers

2010-02-21T09:39:00.006-07:00

It's been quite a while since we've had the kids pictures taken at an actual studio. This was something Britt had been wanting to do for quite a while but due to her health we never really found the time. My mom and I finally took the kids in on Saturday and they took some amazing pictures. It was tough to think of Britt during the photo shoot as I sat and looked at how much the kids have grown up since she passed away about 5.5 months ago. I can't believe it's already been that long. I think she would have had a big smile yesterday to see her three kids getting their pictures taken. She always loved taking the kids to do this.

Divas

2010-01-03T21:14:00.004-07:00

So apparently this is what happens when I leave the kids with aunt CoCo...the last thing I need is a couple of little divas around my house.....

Merry Christmas

2009-12-27T17:48:00.007-07:00

Well, we did it. We somehow survived our first Christmas as a family without Brittney. The day was filled with a lot of laughter and happiness but still a few tears. I ended up not working on Christmas Eve so the kids and I went to see the new Chipmunks movie. I wasn't sure how myself or the kids were going to handle the day without Britt so my plan was to stay as busy as possible. After the movie we grabbed a few groceries then headed over to my Mom & Dad's house for our Christmas Eve dinner with the whole family. It was really nice to be together with everyone. One of the traditions we have is we take a big family picture in front of the tree. It felt odd this year to see Camille with someone next to her and no one next to me...well, Ben was next to me but I have to be honest, as much as I love putting my arms around him, I liked putting them around Brittney more. After Mom's party we headed over to our 'family friends' Jake & Amy's house for a good old certifiable Mexican Fiesta. Lots and lots of people that's for sure...and lots and lots of food. I had already stuffed myself at my moms but I found out very quickly that didn't matter as just about everyone of Ben's aunts and mother told me to get a plate and eat...eat...eat...I decided to eat a little. I was really hoping to get to join in the Karaokee fun but the kids were so anxious to get home and get to bed for Santa to come that we left pretty quick.

Brittney started a tradition with our family where on Christmas Eve everyone gets a new pair of pyjamas. The kids know this tradition and love it...they were worried about not getting those pyjamas this year and kept asking me about it all day...I didn't help alleviate those fears because I kept telling them I knew nothing about it. However, when we got home they were quite thrilled to find their new pyjamas waiting for them.

Chrismas morning the kids were up at 7 like they are every other day. They knew they had to wait for me to go downstairs before they could. The anticipation was killing them because I was taking my time telling them they could come down. I've never seen them sprint down the stairs so fast. I had been stressing out pretty bad this year about getting all the right gifts and making this a good Christmas for the kids. The fears were put to rest pretty quick by all the screams. It was a lot of fun to watch the kids open all their presents...it seemed odd though to sit on the couch alone without Britt as I watched the kids open their presents. A few days prior to Christmas Harmony had told me that she thought Britt would be with us on Christmas morning. I'd like to think she was there. My girls have officially gone off the deep end with gifts. They did't want much this year except ipods, Nintendo DS's and American Girl dolls...all of which are not cheap.

As usual the only thing Boston really wanted was baseball related. He got his own Wii bat, a nice Red Sox logo FatHead for his wall (maybe Dad was the one that wanted this) and a Handy Manny repair shop. I usually try to get some educational things for the kids for Christmas and this year Boston's educational gift was bases. He seems to understand everything about baseball except how to run the bases...he always runs to third when he gets a hit. So I'm hoping the bases will help fix that this spring.

That afternoon the kids and I headed over to the cemetery to wish Britt a Merry Christmas. It was so cold out that the kids didn't last long and we left about as quick as we got there which was probably a good thing for me. I still don't do the cemetery very well. We then headed over to Bart & Renae's for their family christmas celebration. This was the part of the day I was worried about the most. I had no idea how I would handle being there without Britt this year. People seemed to keep talking to me most of the night so there wasn't a whole lot of time to sit and just dwell on Britt not being there which was nice. I did have to excuse myself to the bathroom a couple times when I felt the emotion welling up but I was so happy to be there with everyone that night.

For the last couple of years Harmony will sing a song for the rest of the family. As some of the grandkids have gotten older they have enjoyed performing for the family on Christmas Day. Harmony, Mia & Meridian sang "Where are you Christmas" which is a song that Harmony absolutely loves.

The grandkids also re-enacted the nativity scene...all but Boston anyway. Seems like we couldn't get him to do it last year either.

For the last few months I've been working on a project for all the boys in the family. Every year in March we go to Arizona for several days and watch Baseball Spring Training. Christmas Day is the day we get together and plan the week and the games we want to attend. I know for several of us this part of the day is more exciting for presents. This year however I have been working on getting personalized jerseys for everyone of their favorite team. The jerseys weren't suppose to be given out until the day we were to leave for Spring Training but I got them a week ago and I just couldn't resist giving them out now. The kids and I had been given ours on Christmas Eve by my mom. It was so awesome to see the kids with their jerseys on with BrittStrong on the back. I was so excited to give these out to the family at the party. I just wanted to finally see the group of us in our jerseys. I think everyone really appreciated the gesture and they all seemed to love the jerseys.

Earlier in the day I had shown Wes & Collin my jersey. Wes asked me why #9 on the back? At the party I explained the significance of #9 to me. #9 was the first number the Red Sox ever retired...it was the number of Ted Williams who happens to be my favorite player and Britt knew I loved everything having to do with Ted Willimas. It's why I wear #9 when I play ball. But more significantly Britt passed away on 9/9/09. No other number seemed more perfect than #9. Once the jerseys were on everyone it was incredibly emotional for me to see. From our family I can't see any better tribute to Britt than to have her name on the back of these jerseys. I for one can't wait to get to Arizona in 10.5 weeks to wear this jersey...I'm sure I'll wear it a time or two...or maybe 10 before then though.

And keeping with our last tradition, we always take one family picture in front of the tree. This year I just didn't really want to do it at home so we did it while at Bart & Renae's. I can't complain too much about how our Christmas turned out. Obviously I would have loved to have Britt with us but I'm glad I have these three wonderful kids here with me and a wonderful family to help me get through days like this. I look forward to many many more wonderful Christmas's with my family.

Merry Christmas to everyone! Thanks to so many people who left things on our doorstep through out the month of December. My kids really enjoyed seeing what was going to be there each day. We are truly blessed to be loved by so many people around us...family and friends alike. I know a lot of people missed Britt for Christmas this year...none moreso than me. But this was the first Christmas in a while that we didn't have to watch Britt be hooked up to chemo. I was grateful that she didn't have to suffer through all of those effects again this year. She's completely healthy now...what better thing could any of us ask for this Christmas....

Guess Who's 3 & the Christmas Tree...

2009-12-06T22:15:00.006-07:00

The 30th we celebrated Boston's birthday. The day was much tougher to get through than I anticipated. I woke up and my first thought was back to that day three years ago. Britt woke up around 4am with contractions but they weren't very close. Finally at about 7am we decided to head to the hospital. I honestly didn't think we were going to make it there because she thought he was coming right then. Within about an hour of getting to the hospital Boston was born. We never thought Britt would be able to have a child again after going through chemo the first time around. When we found out she was pregnant we didn't think there was anyway the baby would be born healthy. Boston was born about as perfect and healthy as anyone could hope for. I remember the feeling Britt and I had that morning after she delivered Boston. We felt on top of the world...we had this new baby boy, Britt's cancer was long gone...we had no reason to think we wouldn't have a nice long life ahead of us as a family.

Had someone told me Britt wouldn't be here with us to celebrate Boston's 3rd birthday I wouldn't have believed it...not only would I not have believed it but I would have most certainly applied a choke hold on someone who would have told me that. It was so surreal that in such a short time after Boston was born that Britt has left us. Britt was rediagnosed with her cancer about a month after Boston was born. Life was never the same for us after that. It wasn't much fun thinking about planning his birthday without Britt. She always did such a good job when it came to birthday's. Luckily once again I have a great family who helped me make it a fun and memorable birthday for Boston.

Boston truly is our miracle baby. I like to think that Britt's last great mission on this earth was to bring him into this world. Anyone that knows Boston knows what a funny, loving little kid he is. He will melt any heart within seconds. He has brought our family so much joy despite so much other heartache in our lives. It's hard for a dad not to smile when he see's his son wake up in the morning and before doing anything else put on a baseball hat, grab his mitt and bat then go downstairs for breakfast. Happy Birthday Boston! We hope it was fun for you.

The 3rd birthday is special in our family. When one of the grandkids turn 3, Grandma Nae takes them to build-a-bear to pick out their own bear. It has become quite the anticipated event. It's probably the equavilent of a Jewish boy's Bar Mitzvah. So yeah, this is a big deal. Monday morning Grandma took Boston to get his bear, or monkey. Boston picked out a Monkey instead of a bear and he named him George...because every kid wants a monkey named George right? Well, you'll never guess what kind of outfit he picked out for his monkey...yep, baseball...full on with a bat, mitt and shoes. That monkey goes everywhere with us now and even has to have a carseat in the car.

The proud new parent.

Saturday afternoon the kids and I decided to go get our Christmas tree. This was another thing I was absolutely not wanting to do without Britt. I think she knew this and helped me out. When we got to the tree lot I walked in and pretty much looked right at the tree I wanted without having to look around forever trying to find a decent tree. We were in and out of that place in five minutes. That definately made things easier...until we got home. It's been interesting to watch Harmony these last few weeks as we've been doing Christmas things. She has just kind of naturally stepped in and filled Britt's role in helping me with a lot of things. Little did I know that while I was unloading the tree from the van and putting it in the stand she was in the house doing exactly what Britt does...cleaning the front room and moving the couch...yes moving the couch. I walked in the house to do this and saw that it was almost done except for getting it down some steps. I have no idea how she did this on her own but it made me laugh. I really missed having Britt tell me which way to turn the tree once it's in the house and where she wants it.

Later that night the kids and I decorated the tree. Usually Britt will unpack all the ornaments as we go and hand them to the kids while I take turns lifting each kid to put ornaments up on the higher branches. Once again there was Harmony sitting exactly where Britt always sits and was unwrapping the ornaments and handing them to Brynn and Boston. At this point I couldn't help but get a little emotional at watching this and wishing Britt were here doing this with us. The kids had a great time decorating the tree. I hope this will be a Christmas they will always remember.

I think Boston just got done doing Jingle Bell rap.

The Polar Express

2009-11-28T19:40:00.008-07:00

A few years ago Brittney & I took the girls on the Polar Express up in Heber City. They had a really good time and we had been wanting to take them again but every Christmas since that year Britt was doing chemo and so it wasn't very easy to get out and do it again. The night before Thanksgiving Grandma Nise surprised the kids with tickets for the Polar Express. They were pretty stoked to put on their pyjama's, ride a train and see Santa. It's not the cheapest thing to take your kids to do in the winter, but it's definately something they will remember.

The kids and I survived our first Thanksgiving without Britt. Before we headed over to Bart & Renae's to eat the kids and I stopped by the cemetery to wish Britt a Happy Thanksgiving. It was extremely noticeable and empty without her here this year but it was nice to have all of our family around to help us through the day. I think for the most part the kids are getting use to Britt not being around. Life seems to be normal to them now. As for me, her being gone is painfully obvious everyday especially since we are in the Holiday season and all three of the kids birthday's are coming up.

Tonight the kids and I did what I have been dreading the most since Britt passed away...decorate the house for Christmas. Every year decorating the house was one of the things Britt and I looked forward to the most. We'd pull out all of the Christmas boxes, get some pizza, put on Christmas music and spend the rest of the evening with the kids decorating the house. This has always been my favorite part of Christmas. As I pulled the boxes down tonight I was not wanting to unpack them...partly because Britt always packs the boxes up after Christmas and I have no idea how she makes everything fit back in them...but mainly I just didn't want to look around the house and not see her putting the stockings up. Britt's favorite thing to put up each year is her Nativity sets. A few years ago she got one of the Willow Tree Nativity sets and she absolutely loved it. In fact it usually never came down until around April because she loved having it up so much. Each year she unpacks each piece from its box and is very careful in arranging the scene. It was the one thing I didn't want to pull out tonight but I knew it wouldn't feel right if I left it put away. I got the sense that the kids missed Britt a little more tonight when I pulled the Nativity out. Luckily I had Harmony to help me put it up and arrange the pieces right.

Now if I could only fast forward to March or April and skip the next few months that would be fantastic.....Happy Holidays Britt...we love and miss you.

Happy 30th Britt!!!

2009-11-19T21:16:00.007-07:00

11/19/09 - Today is Britt's 30th Birthday. I've been dreading this day since she passed away. I thought for sure she was going to make it to her 30th birthday. This afternoon the entire family gathered around her grave and launched 30 pink balloons. The kids drew pictures and attached letters to the balloons in hopes that they would float up to her in Heaven. It was a really neat experience even though it was extremely emotional for me. After the cemetery we headed over to a new pizza joint in Provo. Britt loved pizza places like this and we thought it was fitting to celebrate her there. I miss you Britt. Hope you liked your party today. And thanks to Kat for taking all the great photos today.

Fall, Fall, Fall

2009-11-07T15:07:00.007-07:00

It's been 8.5 weeks now since Britt passed away. The kids and I have been trying to keep as busy as we can, and honestly time is passing by pretty quick which is nice. Each day we seem to adjust a little more to life without her, unfortunately for me that doesn't mean it gets any easier. Dinner time doesn't seem quite so odd anymore and I suppose it will seem more and more normal with just the four of us as time goes on. The kids still ask lots of questions about their mom but they know she's close. For the last five weeks the kids have been begging to go up to Bridal Veil Falls and ride their bike along the trail...we usually go up there in the fall to enjoy the changing leaves. We finally made it up there today and the kids absolutely loved it.

On our way back home we decided to stop by the cemetery. It was the first time we've been out there together since the funeral which was eight weeks ago today. I think we were all a little uncomfortable when we saw her headstone. It's such a surreal experience to actually see her name on the headstone staring back at you. In a lot of ways it still doesn't seem real. I guess people are right when they say time heals the pain, but time definately doesn't heal the loneliness. If anything I'm finding time makes that worse. The kids and I have become a much closer family in these last several weeks and they are really helping me get through the days. Last night I was upstairs reading and they were downstairs watching a movie. At one point all three of them started laughing hysterically. I can't remember the last time I've heard them laugh like that but it was such a great thing to hear. These three kids of ours are so incredibly strong. I look at them everyday and know I can get through the day because of them. It's weird being a single dad of three kids. Now that we have a routine established it can get a little overwhelming to try and do everything for them that they need. So far they haven't complained too much so I guess I'm at least meeting their basic needs. One of the more amazing things I've seen lately is how close they have seemed to get to each other. They still fight and argue here and there, but there is a willingness in each one of them to help one another when they sense the other one having a tough time. My kids are seriously so fantastic. It really is like Britt was split into thirds and Harmony, Brynn, & Boston were created from those parts...they are absolutely their mother...unfortuntately for me they are going to be just as good looking as their mother and that scares the crap out of me.

Halloween - Harmony & Brynn were Gabriella & Sharpay from High School Musical, Boston was a Red Sox player.

The MLB playoffs caused Boston to hit the bottle a litte this year...poor kid.

Don't worry...it was only Apple Beer.

See what I'm talking about...I'm in big trouble.

To most people this picture is nothing special...for those that know my kids and know how terrified they are of ANY animal, know how amazing this picture is.

The Kids at Cornbelly's.

The kids at Squaw Peak.

Bridal Veil Falls.

I Love To See the Temple....

2009-10-18T23:31:00.005-06:00

So I've mentioned previously that since Britt passed away the kids and I go walk the Temple grounds each Sunday. Typically we go to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple since that's where Britt and I were married and the kids absolutely love it there. I usually like to take my time walking around the Temple just to enjoy it for as long as I can, but lately the kids seem to think it's a race to see how quickly we can get around it and back to the car. It's incredible that the kids find something new about the Temple architecture to be amazed about each week we go. Boston LOVES Angel Moroni at the top of the Temple and the girls love the colors in the window glass and the fact that the windows look like they have holes in them. But every week we are there they seem to find something new to be fascinated with. This week it was the fact that one of the benches around the back side (East side) of the Temple was made lower for 'little' people like them so now their feet could touch the ground when they sit there. We took a few pictures of our visit today. As always the kids and I love the feeling of being there at the Temple. We definately feel closer to Britt when we are.

The Big 30!

2009-10-14T18:25:00.011-06:00

Last Wednesday I turned 30. I've never been a big birthday person so I wasn't dreading what everyone seems to consider the dreaded age. I had no idea, but for the last several months Britt had been planning activities to do throughout the whole week for me. Luckily I have 2 great mom's and three great kids that made sure her plans went through.

I got to work early Wednesday morning to find my office space completely decorated...at first I thought it was some of my co-workers then I saw the big sign the girls had made me. It was definately a nice thing to see as I got into work as I was especially missing Britt that morning.

When I woke up that morning I was praying for a little extra strength to get through day. I've had Britt with me on my birthday the last 11 years and I wasn't anxious to have this one without her. My prayers were answered though and I enjoyed a peace and calmness I haven't had since Britt passed away. It stayed with me all day and through the night. That evening I had the pleasure of attending my first parent teacher conferences...Britt always did this before. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

The rest of the week, every night when I would get home there would be a new surprise waiting for me that was '30' of something...licorice, blank cd's, bags of pretzles, etc....The kids really had fun doing this all week and it made me feel really good.

Saturday morning Kaleb and Kat were over in the neighborhood to run a 5k. Afterwards Kaleb asked if I wanted to go hit softballs that afternoon. I'm always up for that so I said yes. As I was waiting for him to come pick me up I went to check the mail and there was a manila envelope in the mailbox from the Utah Department of Health. I knew right away what it was...I had an STD and they were writing to inform me. No, not really...it was Britt's death certificate. Talk about a slap in the face when I saw that...thanks to the state of Utah for making it official. LuckilyKaleb got there a short time after that and we were off to the fields...little did I know I was being setup. We get to the fields and I'm looking out and I said to Kaleb, "what the heck is your dad doing out there," he turned and said "happy surprise birthday party." Then I looked and noticed the whole family was out there. Talk about a great surprise. They had a wiffle ball party planned and it was great. I felt a huge emptiness as I walked out there from the car though...I just kept thinking Britt should really be out here with us. I think she may have been around...but it was such a perfect day that I really missed having her out there to laugh with us all. Here are some of the pictures from the party....

Before Brynn bats she adjusts her cup.

You just know this one is going yard....

Little did I know these last several months up through her last days Britt had been working on a picture book for me that the kids gave me. It was pretty emotional for me to open the book up and see all she had been doing.

And what would a birthday party be without a bunch of white kids hitting a baseball shaped pinata...

Monday night the softball team I play on with Kaleb and Wes continued our tournament play. We were down by 7 runs going into the bottom of the 7th inning. We came within one run when I came to the plate with runners on 2nd and 3rd with 2 outs....seriously...I have never been up to bat with the chance to win the game. As I walked up to the plate I was praying for a hit...first pitch I got I put right into centerfield scoring the two runners to win the game. It was such a fantastic high for me. I had a hard time not looking over at the bleachers full of our fans afterwards...I didn't want to look over and not see Britt cheering over there. She would have been so proud though. The blurry picture below was my big moment....Thanks to all my family for helping me have a great birthday week. It was great to have everyone come out Saturday for some wiffle ball fun. Thanks to both of my moms for all their hard work in helping my kids carry out Britt's plans. And thanks to my love Britt, who even through her sickness wanted to plan a fun 30th birthday for me. Sorry you couldn't be here for it to see all your plans through, but I have a feeling you probably weren't far off.

Has it Really Been a Month?

2009-10-09T15:46:00.003-06:00

It's been a month since Brittney passed away. In some ways I seems like it was just yesterday that we were all gathered around the bed as she passed on, and in other ways it seems like it happened so long ago. The kids and I are starting to settle into somewhat of a routine each day. I don't think it's getting easier at all yet for us but I think we're starting to accept it better and the realness of it is starting to set in.

Unfortunately as life without Britt is becoming more of a reality for the kids and I, the loneliness of not having her here each day sets in a little more. Britt always loved to cuddle in the cold months of Fall and Winter. As it's gotten colder lately I've really missed that feeling of her snuggling up to me to keep warm. It's a lot of little things that really make me miss her. I can deal with not having her here for the Holidays (I hope), or vacations and things like that...Right now it's hard to deal with missing all of those little things. I keep hearing it will get better with time and I suppose some things will but I don't think I'll ever adjust to not having her here.

The kids have been a huge source of strength to me, especially lately. They believe with no hesitation that Britt is always somewhere close to us. Since she passed away we've started going to a Temple on Sunday afternoon and walking around the Temple grounds to feel close to Britt. The kids absolutely love being on the Temple grounds on these quiet Sunday afternoons. They are convinced Britt walks with us and I would like to think so as well. Our kids mirror Britt in so many ways. Anyone who knows my kids know how special they are. I'm so blessed to have them here with me still on this earth. Everyday I see them I'm assured that I'll get through these days no matter how hard they seem.

One thing I'll especially miss this October is Britt watching the playoffs with me. Every October since she was diagnosed with Cancer we've watched the Red Sox in the post season together. She never cared a whole lot about the game but she always did it because she knew how much I enjoyed it and how much I loved when she would sit down and watch a game with me. Last night was the first game of the playoffs, and no offense to my pal Jon who watched the game with me, but I definately felt the void of not having Britt there next to me to watch the Sox play. It's those little things that make us so happy. Good thing I still have 3 other little things that continue to make me happy......my kids. I love you Britt. I hope the weather is warmer where you are.

Until We Meet Again.....

2009-09-29T09:37:00.005-06:00

I've debated for the last few weeks on what to do with Britt's blog. Today as I was reading the Ensign I came across an article on using these blogs to share church experiences and share the Gospel with others. So, I decided I'd pick up where Britt left off...

First, for those who may not have heard, Brittney passed away on September 9th. Kaleb wrote an amazing tribute to Brittney that can be read here: http://www.meaningfulfunerals.net/fh/obituaries/obituary.cfm?o_id=423832&fh_id=10812&s_id=9996C95F53181221C9A02FAD66637A38

For the last year and a half we've known Brittney would be leaving us before we were ready for her to go. I've spent hours and hours each day during that time imagining what life would be like without her. I never could have imagined it would be this hard to live without her. In the months leading up to her death, the cancer had taken such a brutal toll on her both mentally and physically. The hardest part for me was to feel so helpless all the nights she cried out in pain from her tumors. That Brittney, the Brittney who's quality of life had deteriorated so much, that was the Brittney I was able to let go almost three weeks ago. But as I sit and look at old photos of Britt and read journal entries of hers from days when life was so good and seemed endless, that's the Brittney that I'm having a very difficult time being without.

It's difficult to imagine something more important on the other side of the veil than raising three beautiful children here on earth but I have faith that Brittney was called Home for a truly divine calling. Since her passing I have received emails, cards, phone calls, etc...expressing how deeply Brittney has touched the lives of those around her. I think a good part of Brittney's mission on this earth was to touch those around her that no one else could. I know many years ago I was one of those people.

I can't express in words how much I miss and love my eternal companion Brittney. Some days the grief seems so overwhelming without her here with me. However, I do know Brittney is always close. On many occassions lately, when I've felt I can't go on I have felt her lift me up. I know she's there. I have seen her strength in my three children as we've tried adjusting to life without her. It's difficult not to be able to share the joys of raising our children together. It's difficult not to wake up with her in the mornings and give her a kiss before I leave for work. But as difficult as life seems right now I Know I'll be with her again someday. No thought makes me more happy than to look forward to when I will get to embrace her again and know she is cancer free. I miss Britt every second of every day, and I will do so the rest of my life. But I take such comfort in knowing that my time without her is short. I know because of the Temple we will be together again, and how happy that time will be because we'll never be apart again.

It's a very humbling task to know I've been entrusted with the duty of raising my three children without Brittney here physically. But I know Britt's influence will be just as strong in Harmony, Brynn and Boston's lives as it was when she was here on this earth. As most people around us have come to know we have an amazing support system of family, friends and neighbors. Britt made sure I had this support system in place before she left...she wanted to make sure I wouldn't screw these kids up too bad. In the nearly three weeks since Brittney passed away I have seen a change not only in my life but in my children's lives and the lives of those family members around me. That change has come because of the Christlike example Brittney was throughout her entire life.

I know the work Brittney is doing now is so important. It's difficult to understand it being more important than being with us, but that's mostly just me being selfish. I know Britt is never very far away from us. She left a legacy behind that ranks up there with some of the greatest people who have ever walked this earth. I know no one would argue with that. I miss you Brittney, I love you and I can't wait to see you again. -Love you forever!

March, April, May... Can it Seriously be June?

2009-05-13T21:42:00.009-06:00

Well, it has been forever since the blog was updated. So here is the whole low down of March... We girls and Boston went to my mom's to hang out. "The boys" went on their yearly trip to Arizona to watch the MLB spring training games. All of the kids had a blast playing in the beautiful weather at Grandma's. We girls enjoyed the quite house while they were out playing.

April started with me getting sick and all of us thinking it was just a bug and would take a few to get rid of. Instead I ended up at an appointment (at the end of April) and they admitted me to the hospital immediately . My scans were showing fluid all around my heart. They also showed a new spot in my lung. I had been on a trial study which seemed to be going good but with the new spot I will no longer be able to take the trial medicine. I was immediately put in the cardiac lab to drain the fluid in my heart. They drained 9 fl0z almost 1 liter from just my heart. I felt much better right after but I had to stay a couple of days to be watched. Instead I started filling up again and couldn't breath. They took me back in and drained 750 fl oz and then the nurses returned and removed 250 fl oz more that evening. They decided surgery needed to happen ASAP which was scheduled for Saturday which is very abnormal but they wanted it done. That was on Thursday and on Friday my stomach blew up because my kidney and liver weren't working I put on an extreme amount of weight. The kids were asking why I was SO FAT! They took me down and drained my stomach and removed almost five lbs of fluid. Then Saturday morning I was in surgery. They ended up doing a new procedure by putting a drain in my sack around my heart to try and keep it drained. The tube comes out of my stomach and we are supposed to keep it empty. So far the pump seems to be doing its job and if it continues to go good they will pull out the tube. I got home from the hospital and started chemo right up. I was extremely loopy and sick for the first round.

I was sick through Easter but made the most of it. The kids loved coloring Easter eggs and had three egg hunts this year. They got more then enough candy.

I made it through Mother's Day weekend which was an answer to my prayers. (I was really sick and in a lot of pain.) We were able to attend Race for a Cure for the fourth year. Every year more of my family has joined us in the race. This year Leah, Candace, Mike, and their kids joined us along with Denise and Nicole. It was hard on me not being able to walk this year. I hate having to be in a wheelchair but I made it. Thank you to all of my family for coming out and supporting me. We had a great walk and then went to Jim's Family Restaurant for breakfast. During my break from chemo I still struggled with side affects.

Brynn finished preschool and can't wait for kindergarten. Harmony finished the first grade and is excited to move on but will miss her teacher so much. She has had a wonderful positive year. On the last day of school the neighborhood had a big party at the park with food and water fun. The kids loved it! They are loving being outside nonstop. Always wanting to ride their bikes or be in the sprinklers. Steven is still watching his Red Sox play every chance he gets. I am still just hanging in there. I have just started my second round of this chemo and so far so good. Hopefully it will stay this way. My hair is gone AGAIN! Steven and the kids shaved it. When Boston was taking his turn he got a big smile on his face and said, "mom a boy" and then just started giggling. After I was done Boston cut his hair. If you ask him who he cut his hair like he will quickly tell you "my mom". This has been an extremely long blog but for all of you complaining I haven't updated hopefully this helps. Have a great day!

Harmony's Birthday and Arizona

2009-02-18T09:46:00.006-07:00

I wasn't sure we were going to make it to Arizona with Steven and Brynn both sick but luckily their antibiotics kicked in and we where able to head down for my brother's wedding. It was a long drive but caravaning with three other cars made it interesting to say the least and the kids did great. It was Harmony's birthday the day we arrived so we went to Golfland to celebrate. We miniature golfed, played arcades, and ate pizza. I think Harmony had a good time she hadn't been too excited about being somewhere else on her birthday. The next day was the wedding. It was great to be there together as a family in the Mesa temple. My grandparents also came down and my grandpa performed the sealing. Wes and Leah were so fun to watch they are such a cute couple. The girls loved their new dresses and felt very pretty. It was a long day because we were constantly on the go but everything turned out great. The next day we headed to a Wildlife Zoo with the family and had a great time. The kids loved the animals and running around with their cousins. After the zoo we headed the Adam and Naomi's for the night and had a great time with them. Early Sunday we were on the road again and drove straight home. I thought it would be horrible but the kids did great until we hit Spanish Fork and then they were just ready to get out of the car. We all enjoyed the warmer weather and now have spring fever. The snow can go away for a year and I would be just fine with that.

Golfland

Mia, Harmony, Brynn, and Boston getting ready to golf.

Harmony opening gifts

Wes and Leah

The kids with my grandparents

Steven and I at the reception

My cute kids
Boston and Steven at the zoo

The Zoo

My Uncle Nick

2009-02-09T10:17:00.004-07:00

I was driving home from work Thursday evening and just as I was getting off the freeway exit I received a phone call from my mom. She called to let me know that my Uncle Nick had passed away that day. Wow, what a complete and unexpected shock. My Uncle Nick Drakulich was diagnosed with cancer back around November, it was some kind of tumor under his tongue but I'm not sure what kind of cancer it was considered. He started chemotherapy and radiation in January and the prognosis seemed extremely hopeful and the most likely outcome seemed to be that this would be cured without many complications. Unfortunately as I have come to know all too well, nothing is very easy when chemo is involved. I'm still not sure what exactly caused his passing but it's a very surreal thing. I didn't know my Uncle Nick very well...in fact I can probably count all the times I spent with him on one hand. But all the memories I have of him are happy and memories I'm glad to have. We were able to vistit Nick & Elaine this summer as we made our way to Seattle. I'm now very grateful that my kids got to meet Nick and even play with him a little bit for the short time we were there.

Death isn't something I've had to deal with many times in my life. Mainly just my Grandpa Drakulich and my baseball coach growing up. As Britt and I sat talking the night we found out about Nick it definately brought us back to reality a little bit with regards to how serious cancer and its treatment methods can be. As for my Uncle Nick, we will miss you and I hope Heaven has some good fly fishing for you.

Where did January go?

2009-02-07T10:00:00.005-07:00

I can't believe it is already February. I thought I would give a quick update on what we were up to for the month of January. On January 1st we celebrated Brynn's 5th birthday. She was really excited and suddenly thought of herself as much older now that she is 5. The kids played in the snow and made a snowman. The girls spent a lot of time playing with their friend Claire. Steven and I took in a Jazz game and thanks a TON to Melissa for watching the kids. Other then starting on a trial study instead of chemo for now and a few doctor appointments the month has just flown by with the everyday things. I will hopefully do a better job in February keeping up to date.

Brynn opening her many presents.

Brynn with her princess cake. (What a headache.)

Boston and Brynn playing in the snow.

Harmony, Brynn, and Claire having fun.

Our Christmas!

2009-01-03T13:36:00.004-07:00

We had a blast this Christmas watching the kids so full of excitement. I had been off of chemo for a couple of weeks so it was nice to feel good for the holidays. It was also a lot of fun having our first Christmas in our house. Steven did a great job decorating the house.

Harmony, Brynn, and Boston in their new pajamas on Christmas Eve.

Harmony with her fun new toys.

Brynn showing off her stuff from Santa.

Boston loving his "Buzz" that Santa brought him.

Happy Birthday Boston!

2008-12-01T10:44:00.005-07:00

Guess who turned 2 yesterday......

This guy.....

Yesterday was Boston's birthday. We had a nice little family party for him, which he thoroughly enjoyed.

Christmas Decorating

2008-12-01T10:00:00.006-07:00

Well, it's that time of year again. Christmas decorations. We don't do any decorating before Thanksgiving, but the day after the girls were begging to decorate the house. Saturday night we went over to Mom's house so the kids could help set up the tree.

I'm not sure if Harmony wanted her picture taken here or not...

Britt's Birthday!

2008-12-01T09:25:00.008-07:00

I appears Britt has taken a blogging sabbatical so I guess I'll continue to provide updates here until she gets back. November 19th was Britt's 29th birthday. We got to spend a nice evening away from the kids with dinner and a movie. I can't remember the last time we got to enjoy an nice evening out together. I also had a surprise party planned for her that Friday at MyNoahs in Lindon. Ever since we got married Britt has been wanting me to throw her a kegger like she use to have in college. I figured with all the crap she's been through this year it was the least I could do for her. Needless to say she enjoyed her 'happy lemondae' all night long. It wasn't an easy thing to keep secret but we managed to keep her in the dark and it all turned out really well.

All of our sibblings and parents were able to be there and we enjoyed partying late into the night.

Boston getting his first pool lesson from Grandpa.The happy lemonade was obviously affecting Mike.The Ben Man spreading his man love to Wes.

Why do I look slightly interested in this proposition.Happy 29th Britt. I love you...and just in case anyone is confused, there was no alcohol served at this party.

In Memory Of.......

2008-10-30T13:43:00.010-06:00

....the 2008 Boston Red Sox season. What the heck happened...we should be repeating World Series Champions. Instead I had to sit and console Britt all night last night...not from the pain of her surgery, but from the pain of seeing an inferior team in an inferior league win the title of 2008 World Champions. After seeing the Crapa Bay CrapRays make it to the world series and not be able to beat a mediocre Phillies team...it was really heartbreaking for the whole family...The Sox would have shut down the Phillies in 4 games. We aren't quite sure how to explain this to our kids. There don't seem to be any books about how to talk to your kids about this kind of thing. Boston is taking it especially hard...But that's baseball and that's why we love it...what other sport could you see the greatest comeback in the history of the world? Definately not in Football or Basketball.

So now we enter 5 long, cold, worthless months of college football, NFL and NBA nonsense until Spring Training starts again. Once again though our family did enjoy some memorable moments cheering our team on.

So here's to our 2008 MVP - Dustin Pedroia:

Britt Update -

Britt had surgery yesterday on her wrist to repair the break that she had a couple of weeks ago. Surgery took about 2 hours and she was released to go home a few hours after that. It was a nice change from her past several surgeries. I think we are all thankful that there was no multiple week hospital recovery time to this surgery.

The surgery itself involved having the tumor in her wrist scraped out and then filling that space in with bone cement. After that was done Dr. Scott put small metal plate over Britt's wrist to help stabalize everything. She is recovering pretty well from the surgery. She's experienced a fair amount of pain in her wrist today but that's to be expected. She looks to have 7-10 days of recovery time after which she'll start her third round of chemo. So far chemo seems to be holding the growth of this stable. Hopefully she can continue her treatments with minimal side effects.

Here's to a quick recovery for Britt and the Sox in 2009!

Chemo Update and Some Family Pictures

2008-10-10T12:09:00.004-06:00

Britt started her second cycle of chemo on Monday. So far this week hasn't been too bad for her. Today is the first day that she's really felt sick. But she's still eating normal and is able to function throughout the day. Unfortunately 2 days ago Britt tripped over her IV and fell on her right wrist and broke it. This is the wrist that they tried radiation on earlier this year to try and kill the cancer that was growing in that area. She was fitted with a soft cast today but Dr. Scott wasn't in the office and so we are waiting to hear from him on what we will need to do about it. For now though she'll just keep it wrapped and away from Boston. Despite that she really is seeming to respond well to this chemo treatment. We're hoping it will last until she's finished with this round which should be either Wednesday or Thursday.

In anticipation of Britt losing her hair again we decided to get family pictures taken a few weeks ago. A good friend of ours Haley Gibby has taken our family pictures for the last couple of years and always does a really good job. Despite the good photography she does she has a pretty rad singing voice and also has an album out under the name Summer of Space. Check out her music on iTunes or myspace when you get a chance, especially if you like House, Trance, etc. it is definately worth listening to...especially at night.

California Fun

2008-09-21T10:59:00.010-06:00

Well, I am finally getting around to blogging about our awesome trip. A few weeks ago we found out the chemo drug I was on wasn't doing anything. We decided to take the kids to Disneyland before I started a much more intense treatment. So in a week my mom and I planned the trip and off we went. We packed everything without the kids knowing and headed out with my parents. We made it to Fillmore before Harmony started having an anxiety attack not knowing where we were headed. So I handed each kid a present and they opened Minnie and Mickey Mouse shirts. Harmony's face was priceless as she looked at the shirt and then with a huge grin said, "we're going to Disneyland?!?!" It was great to surprise them. We had a smooth sailing trip minus the little car problem the first day. But we got that fixed.We got to California on Wednesday and headed to a Dodgers game. The next morning we were up and ready to start our fun at Disneyland. Someone Hayley knows heard we were going and set up a private meet and greet with Cinderella and then Mickey Mouse. The kids were a little bashful with Cinderella but couldn't stop talking about it after. Boston was so excited when the door opened at Mickey's house and there he was in front of him. We also got reserved seating for the fireworks on Friday night, it was awesome. The lines weren't too bad but being in a wheelchair was nice because we were able to go to the front of most lines. The kids were in heaven and it was so much fun watching their excitement with the rides and especially the characters. The kids got autograph books and loved getting signatures from the many characters we ran into. Friday we pulled a fourteen hour day at Disneyland and the kids never complained. They did great!

My favorite part of Disneyland was watching the excitement on the kids faces, being with my family, my parents included, and of course the Peter Pan ride. Steven's favorite was also watching the kids. Boston loved the Playhouse Disney Show at California Adventure along with the High School Musical Show. He enjoyed the character stuff which included the parades at both parks. He was so funny to watch. Harmony's favorite part was the rides and parades. Brynn's favorite was Thunder Mountain.

On Saturday we headed to the beach for half the day before heading home. The kids loved it! We went with our friend Emily, her friend, sister, and nieces. The kids were so funny jumping waves and made one beautiful sand castle. They were mad when we had to start home.

Everything went great and we had SO much fun. I was so glad we pulled the trip together. I am so thankful to my parents for all of the fun and for helping out with the kids. We couldn't have done the trip without them. These are memories we will have forever thanks!

Chemo Never Gets Easier

2008-08-24T20:46:00.000-06:00

So I did start chemo again on August 11th and you would think after all of the chemo that it might get easier but it doesn't. I have treatment once a week on Monday and then after three in a row I get a week off. I did pretty good with my first round. I felt a little nauseous but never threw up. I was tired that week but took naps when Boston did. Week two didn't go as well. I wasn't even sure they were going to give me chemo because my blood counts were low to begin with. After waiting FOREVER they decided to give me chemo. I ended up sick and throwing up. I was beyond tired and spent Tuesday also at the hospital. I got a shot, received 20 minutes of medication to help my nausia and two units of blood. On Wednesday and Thursday I gave myself shots to boost my white blood cells and had a bad reaction. I have had the shots before but it has been close to four years ago. The shots can cause you to ache but this time I wasn't having bone aches I was having intense sharp pain in my shoulder and neck. It was horrible and even the strongest of pain medications did nothing for me. Thanks to prayers and a preisthood blessing I am doing better now. I have chemo tomorrow and the following week I will have off. I will continue this cycle until we see if it is working or not. Thanks for all of the love and support. I am sorry it took so long to update.

Our August

2008-08-24T20:21:00.004-06:00

Well, August has been busy so far with only one week left. I can hardly believe how fast it has gone. I got to start August off with a kid free weekend. Nicole and Ben took the kids and Steven surprised me with Martina McBride tickets. The concert was amazing and the weekend followed with fishing (something for Steven), shopping, and good food. We had a nice time together and not having to worry about the kids. Our weekend ended with a visit from Emily and Lechelle (our friends from Ricks). We had a great time hanging out with them and thanks to Emily the girls got their much needed school haircuts. Their hair looks great!!

The next weekend we headed to St George for one last break before I started chemo and the girls started school. We had a great time together as a family. My parents also went down and we had fun hanging out with Hayley and Ben. We went to Tuacahn's "Sound of Music", shopped, and went swimming. There was nothing we had to do so we just enjoyed relaxing. I have now started chemo and will continue doing that for now. Harmony and Brynn have both started fall soccer and are loving it. Harmony started the first grade this past week and is enjoying it. She gets to go to computers and art which is fun for her. Brynn started preschool again this past week and is excited to start reading. She wants to be just like her big sister. Boston is not sure about having both of his sisters gone but hopefully he will get used to it quickly. He cried the whole time Brynn was gone Thursday and I am not sure how many more days of that I can handle. We are good and life is busy. I am sure it will only continue to get busier.

Chemo Again

2008-08-03T17:58:00.001-06:00

I had my appointment with my oncologist and I will be starting chemo again on August 11th. I will be trying a chemo drug that I have never had before. I am not supposed to be as sick on it but who knows. I am doing fine with the news because I figured that was the next step. We have not told the kids yet so please don't ask me about chemo in front of them. We will tell them right before so they don't let their little minds worry any longer then necessary. I am feeling pretty good but I am ready to actively start fighting this cancer in my body. I will keep you posted on how treatments go.

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

2008-07-26T15:28:00.007-06:00

Well, besides seeing Grandma Drakulich the main reason for our family vacation was to visit another ball park and watch the Red Sox play. We were able to go see the Red Sox vs. The Mariners two nights in a row. Safeco field was great and so were our seats. The first night we were on the lower level behind home plate. The second night we were in the upper deck behind home plate. It was a blast and we all had a good time. Half of the stadium was Red Sox fans but nobody could beat out three cute Red Sox fans. Everybody seemed to be commenting on our cute kids. What can I say they looked adorable!

Harmony shortly after getting to the field the first night lost her tooth while eating dinner and accidentally swallowed it. I thought it was going to be the end of the world for her but Steven told her she could email the tooth fairy and let her know what happened. That seemed to help the traumatic situation.
Around the 8th inning the first night Boston and the girls were starting to get a little restless so we went for a walk. At Safeco field the bullpen is at the back of the field and the only thing between you and the players is a chain link fence. You can go back there and watch them warm up. We ended up back there on our walk and watched their closer Papelbon warm up. Since the kids are SO cute, people were letting them right up next to the fence to watch. After Papelbon got called out I watched the catcher, Kevin Cash, throw the ball up to the guy next to us. The guy came over and gave it to Boston. He told him the catcher wanted him to have it. Boston was in heaven and would not let go of the ball. He even fell asleep with it. When the game was over, which the Red Sox won, we were standing there and a lady started talking to Boston and the girls. She was asking if they had a fun time and enjoyed watching Jon Lester pitch for the Red Sox. (Jon Lester is one of Steven’s favorite players.) Then the lady with her said she is Jon Lester’s Mom. We were a little surprised. Steven and Boston had watched him warm up for the game in the bullpen before the game started.

The kids "spitting" seeds.

The second night everyone seemed to recognize the kids again and continued talking to them. We had a fun time watching the game from the upper deck. Around the 8th inning again I took the kids down to the bullpen to watch them warm up. Kevin Cash was smiling and waving to Boston and when Papelbon headed out to pitch again he threw the ball up for Boston to have. So Boston ended up with two Papelbon warm up balls from Kevin Cash. He again was in heaven to have a baseball and had to carry it the rest of the night while singing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” to himself. We had a blast at the games and wish we could have gone to game three but we had to head home.

Seattle

2008-07-26T14:32:00.005-06:00

Being in Seattle made me SO glad that we do not live in a big city. It was so insane there with all of their one way streets and extremely steep hills. Not to mention it cost a fortune to park anywhere. If you enjoy walking you might enjoy the city more but with one lung, all of the walking isn’t always the easiest. We had a good time together as a family once we got past the chaos of the city. It was hot one day and freezing the next. I like to see the sun not clouds. We enjoyed eating on the pier and taking in all the sites.

We went to Pike’s Market Place and the kids were able to watch them throw fish.

We saw the Space Needle.

We went to the Seattle Children’s Museum.

Brynn

Harmony

Boston

We wore the kids out!

8 Years Together

2008-07-21T16:48:00.005-06:00

Happy Anniversary to us! I can hardly believe that we have been married for eight years. Steven has been so amazing with everything we have been through. He is the most wonderful husband and father. I am so glad that he is mine for all eternity. I hope that everyone is as lucky as me but I doubt it. Who would have thought eight years ago that I would be celebrating my eight year anniversary with my husband, two beautiful girls, and cutie Boston at a Red Sox game. I am sure it doesn't get much better for Steven. Everything he loves... me, the kids, and the Red Sox. Happy Eight Year Anniversary and MANY more to come!

(Harmony took this picture of us.)

Portland Temple, Zoo, and OMSI

2008-07-20T22:40:00.008-06:00

Portland Temple

I had never been to the Portland Temple so I thought it would be a nice place to visit and take the kids. It was absolutely beautiful! I was so glad that we walked around the temple grounds.

Zoo Time

Steven and the kids standing in front of the chimpanzee cage.

The kids sitting on tractor seats that were in the petting zoo area.

The kids and I in front of the elephants. They have always been my favorite.
The girls seeing how tall they are compared to the bears.

OMSI

Harmony and Boston being dinosaurs.

Harmony and Brynn looking for dinosaur bones.
Steven and Brynn seeing if her"flyer" will fly. Harmony is in the background making one.

Road Trip to Portland

2008-07-20T22:03:00.010-06:00

We went on a road trip to visit the Drakulich family in Oregon. Portland is so beautiful and green if you could only count on the sun showing up on a regular basis it would be a great place to live. We have enjoyed seeing family and exploring the city. The kids are having a blast and have enjoyed meeting the Drakulich family. We haven't been to Oregon since Harmony was 9 months so other than Grandma the family hasn't met the kids. They have been able to meet Auntie Kay, Uncle Nick, Aunt Elaine, Cousin Scott, and Teddy (the dog). We first stopped at Multnomah Falls and hiked up to the bridge so that the kids could get a closer look.

The kids with Auntie Kay.

Uncle Nick "flying" Boston around.

Aunt Elaine with Harmony and her new best friend Teddy.

Steven, Scott, and Boston after a great game of catch.

Boston played catch with everyone that night.

Grandma and Boston reading. Grandma is Boston's new buddy.

Another Appointment

2008-07-10T21:21:00.001-06:00

Today I had another appointment with my surgeon. He said my x-ray looked great and that it was even better than the last time. My left lung is starting to expand and take place of the missing lower lobe. The fluid in my lungs is almost nonexistent. When he checked my oxygen levels they were at 98% and my lungs sounded great when he listened. It was nice to have an appointment with some good news for a change. I will not need to see him for at least three months since I am now recovering so well from my surgery. My next doctor appointment will be with my oncologist at the end of July. I will let you know what the update is then.

Stadium of Fire

2008-07-07T19:57:00.004-06:00

Happy 4th of July!

We couldn't resist surprising the girls with Stadium of Fire tickets when we heard Miley Cyrus was coming. We even kept it a surprise from them until the Sunday before when Steven's sister spilled the beans. They were still thrilled to death and Harmony wanted to know if she was going to stay after to sign autographs. We went with all of Steven's family. It was fun to watch their excitement throughout the night. Harmony had a blast and Brynn enjoyed most of it but didn't like all of the ash falling on her from the fireworks. It was a fun way to mark 10 years together with Steven. Hope everyone else had a fun 4th of July.

Tube Free!

2008-06-23T17:46:00.000-06:00

I had an appointment with my surgeon today. He had told me over a week ago that today he might cut my chest tubes down, so that I wasn't hooked up to suction anymore. Then over the following few weeks he would slowly pull them out little by little. SO I was shocked today when he said that my x-ray looked good and he was considering pulling my tubes completely out. I told him not to get my hopes up. After thinking it over for a few minutes he decided he would pull them. It was a weird feeling when they were coming out and it feels great now that they are gone. I am SO happy to not have tubes hanging out of me hooked to drainage and suction. Thanks for all the prayers. This was definitely more than an answer to my prayers today. I still have some recovering to do but I am almost done with post surgery. Tomorrow will be six weeks since surgery so technically I can lift again as long as it doesn't hurt. I don't plan on lifting Boston much but it is nice to know I can if I need to. Things are looking up a little and it is nice.

Going Private

2008-06-16T09:52:00.002-06:00

Because of recent issues my sister in law is having with her blog I too have decided to make our family blog private. I just need to keep my children and family safe from those crazies out there. If you are logging on just to see health updates I will continue to post those on http://brittstrong.blogspot.com/ . If you want to see the family updates please just contact me and I will put you on our viewing list. I will be going completely private by Sunday June 22nd. Please don't let this stop you from looking in on us, just drop me a line or give me a call.

What a Week!!!

2008-06-14T20:15:00.003-06:00

After my news last Thursday I was pretty depressed and didn't think things could get much worse. Little did I know what was in store. On Saturday night Harmony started complaining of an earache. She stayed home from church on Sunday with me because she still wasn't feeling good. Half way through church Steven showed up back at home with Brynn in her underwear. I guess Brynn had gotten a flu bug we were unaware of and threw up in primary. (Thanks to those who cleaned her and the vomit up. That's the worst!) She spent the next 24 hours sleeping and throwing up. On Tuesday Harmony was still complaining and Boston was also getting fussy. With help I got them to the doctors to find out that Harmony had a double ear infection and Boston's left ear was infected. I had them check Brynn since we were already there but they said she was fine. Wednesday morning Harmony broke out in hives and ended up back at the doctors. It ends up she was allergic to the antibiotic they had given her. I had them check Brynn's ears again since they were there and this time after removing some wax they saw the fluid and inflammation so she too had an ear infection. Thursday came and Boston was completely lethargic and wouldn't eat, drink, or move. Back to the doctors they went. Since the doctor had seen him the day before playing around when the girls were getting checked she was very worried about him. Boston ended up at the hospital for lab work and of course they missed his vein the first time around. The lab work came back and didn't show anything out of the ordinary besides that he was extremely dehydrated and we either had to get him guzzling some fluids or he would need to be admitted to the hospital for IV's through the night. We luckily were able to get him drinking and he is doing better. As for my Thursday visit I was informed that my tubes would be remaining with me for a few more weeks. The repairs made in me caused a pocket of fluid that needs the tubes for draining. If the tubes are removed too early then the fluid will get infected and I will end up back in the hospital with a lot of complications. After the explanation of the seriousness of prematurely removing my tubes I handled the news better. It still stinks and drives me crazy but if my choices are my house or sick in the hospital. I will take my house with the tubes and make the most of it. Well, I can only hope for health in our house this coming week. Thanks for the love care and concern.

Doctor Appointment

2008-06-06T11:56:00.002-06:00

I went to my surgeon's yesterday in hopes that I would get my chest tubes pulled. He said because of my high fever I had the night before it would be unsafe to pull them until I know if I have some kind an infection or not. I was sent home with the tubes still in me and depressed. The tubes are very uncomfortable and not fun to have to work around. I will see him in a week but I don't think I can count on them being pulled until they actually count to three and yank it out. I am tired from the pain medications and the lack of sleep at night. It is hard to find a comfortable position being propped up with tubes coming out your back and side. At least I am home and even though I have been unpleasant to be around at times my family is still loving and there to help me. Thanks for checking in on me.

Dance Recital

2008-06-06T11:40:00.002-06:00

Yes, I made it to the dance recital and it was wonderful! Harmony received the "dancer of the year" trophy for her class. After she informed me that she wants to keep taking dance so that she can win more trophies. Harmony and Brynn both did a great job and looked beautiful. It was about a two hour show but Boston was mesmerized by the dancers and clapped very enthusiastically for all of them.

School's Out

2008-06-06T11:28:00.004-06:00

I haven't posted in a few so a quick update. Harmony is thrilled to tell everyone that she is now a first grader. On her last day of school the neighborhood kids got together after for a water party at Glenn and Lori's. All three of my kids had a blast and I enjoyed the fresh air.

Boston wasn't too thrilled when he got hit with a balloon during the water fight.

Home Sweet Home

2008-05-29T20:28:00.003-06:00

I am finally home after about 18 days in the hospital. Since we moved in right before my surgery I actually spent more time in the hospital then I had in my new home. I am happy to finally be sitting in my new beautiful home. I still have an air leak in my lung but my surgeon knew I had hit my limit and that I needed to be home with my family instead of waiting for their daily visits. I still have my chest tubes in me draining my lung. I have to keep these tubes in me for at least another week. If I go out anywhere I also have to bring along the tubes hanging out of me and the box they are connected to. Luckily I have no where to go besides Harmony and Brynn's dance recital on Saturday. I am in some pain since I have two, foot long tubes crammed in me and hanging out my side. I am also pretty tired since I have spent the past couple of weeks mostly in bed. I am ready to regain some strength and get feeling better. Thanks for all of your support!

Latest Hospital Update

2008-05-21T18:04:00.002-06:00

Well, I am still just hanging out at the hospital. I realized that in my previous update I forgot to mention that they took my whole lower left lobe. I now have a total of one lung left. Dr Collins (my surgeon) just left and said that they still want to keep an eye on me. My drainage is doing better but I still have an air leak in my left side. I wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon so I am not surprised. I am starting to feel better and my pain is doing well. I have felt great walking I haven't really noticed a difference in my lung capacity yet. I hope that I won't notice much of a difference in my daily actvities when I make it home. We are still waiting on all of the options they are researching. As for now my priority is recovering from surgery and it sounds like I am headed in the right direction. I am just resting and getting better. Thanks for all of the support.

Hospital Update

2008-05-18T17:51:00.002-06:00

Sorry to anyone who has been looking for an update. Steven forgot to tell me that he had erased the last blog. I guess he has been a little preoccupied. As for my surgery it did not go as we had expected. It ended up lasting about eight hours. When they got in there was a lot more cancer then they had seen in the scans. They took what they could but had to leave a good amount behind. We are now waiting as they research all of my options and then we will decide what the next step is. I am doing better today then I have been. I appreciate all of the love and concern. We are just hanging out at the hospital and plan on being her for at least one more week if not longer. I have been tired and in more pain then in the past. As of today I would still prefer no visitors but Steven or I will keep you updated and let you know when I am up to visits. Thanks again for your support. I am never giving up so there is no need to worry.

Race For A Cure

2008-05-11T22:00:00.006-06:00

The past three years we have looked forward to doing the "Race for a Cure". It is an awesome experience to be surrounded by so many people fighting for one cause. It is something that helps give me strength as I look around and see others who have been there and done that. The first year we were excited to do the race as my one year mark from having finished chemo and celebrating one year cancer free. Last year I was pushed in a wheelchair since I had just been released from the hospital from my lung surgery. This year I am two days away from entering the hospital to have the same surgery done again. I also had Hayley there by my side but this year fighting her own battle as she walked it only a week after her own thyroid surgery to remove cancer. I hope this remains a tradition for my family that every year we get together in hopes that one day a cure will be found. I know that the race is technically for breast cancer but I figure if they find a cure for breast cancer they will find a cure for all cancers. I am also glad that Deb and Emily were able to be there again as Deb and I have continued to battle our sarcomas. Next year we will both be healthy and cancer free. We will always be "sarcoma sisters" but we can do that without it being active. I will be at many races for years and years to come. Thanks family for all of your continued support as we battle this cancer. One more surgery and I think we can kick this in the butt!!! I will never give up in my battle! I will never let the cancer win!

Soccer Time

2008-05-04T20:18:00.007-06:00

On Saturday Harmony went to her first game this season. In the fall she was a little timid and by the end of the season started to get the hang of it. According to Steven after her practice it had been a long off season. Steven decided to try and motivate her at her game by telling her if she scored he would give her five bucks. She usually just follows the crowd with the ball but doesn't get in the middle to kick too often. She was called off the sidelines and took off. On the next break away that her team got she was right there in the action and headed for the goal. Next thing we knew Harmony had kicked it through and was beaming. We could not wipe the smile off her face. She was so excited and has informed us she will try to do it again at the next game. Good Job Harmony!!!

Cancer Sucks!!!

2008-05-03T07:42:00.003-06:00

Well, Hayleys surgery went well but it was for sure cancer. Thyroid cancer is very curable and do able but it is crazy that my little sister would get cancer also. I asked my oncologist if this meant that my other siblings should be worried now and he said no. These cancers have no relation to each other. He said it is as if we walked outside on a sunny day and got struck by lightning. That is how crazy it is. I am still bugged that two more spots of cancer have shown up again in my left lung. It seems weird that I would have three lung surgeries in about a years time. My surgery is scheduled for May 13th and so I am trying to get everything situated with the kids right now. I am also trying to enjoy everyday life before I am stuck at the hospital. My surgeon said I will be in the hospital for at least two weeks. A hospital can get pretty boring after a couple of days. I told Hayley I would switch her places when she was complaining about having to spend two nights but she quickly declined. Lets just pray I can kick it hard enough this time that it won't show its face again.

Spring Break

2008-04-18T14:54:00.011-06:00

This week has been spring break for the girls. It has been a nice break for all of us. On Monday Denise and I took the kids up to Discovery Gateway (a children's museum). They had a blast playing with everything. They played for a few hours and then we went to lunch at Applebee's. We were seated in the booth next to "Zeke" from High School Musical. The girls had a hard time sitting down and turning around. They were able to talk to him and even got their picture with him. I think it has been the highlight of their week. They have shown their picture to everyone who stops by. After lunch the kids ran through the fountain at the Gateway. It was a fun day! They spent Tuesday and Wednesday playing with cousins. On Thursday they had fun at Grandma Nise's house and the park. By Friday they were ready to just hung around the house. This week has been a fun break from our daily routine.

A Quick Update

2008-04-14T16:38:00.013-06:00

I have loved keeping track of friends and family on blogspot. I decided why not have our own blog so that people can keep track of our family and what we have been up to. I hope this blog will help me stay in touch with everyone no matter where you are living right now. A quick update on all of us to start it off.

Steven is still in banking and enjoying it. He is thrilled that baseball season has started and he can watch his Red Sox play.

I am enjoying feeling well and getting out here and there to somewhere other than the hospital or a doctors office. I am getting used to doing all of the mom responsibilities again now the post surgery recovery is over.

Harmony has almost finished kindergarten and is loving it. She helps me out all of the time and does a great job "babysitting" Boston. She loves to sing and dance. Harmony and Brynn love anything to do with High School Musical and Hananah Montana. They keep us entertained with all of their performances. Brynn is almost done with a year at preschool and has enjoyed it. Brynn loves to tease. Brynn is a monkey and can be found constantly climbing on the counters and furniture. Boston lights up the day with his smile. He loves to be outside and playing. He loves anything to do with balls and that includes the song "I Don't Dance" from High School Musical 2. He has quite the personality and keeps us on our toes. We have been blessed with three wonderful children.