Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Until We Meet Again.....

I've debated for the last few weeks on what to do with Britt's blog. Today as I was reading the Ensign I came across an article on using these blogs to share church experiences and share the Gospel with others. So, I decided I'd pick up where Britt left off...

First, for those who may not have heard, Brittney passed away on September 9th. Kaleb wrote an amazing tribute to Brittney that can be read here: http://www.meaningfulfunerals.net/fh/obituaries/obituary.cfm?o_id=423832&fh_id=10812&s_id=9996C95F53181221C9A02FAD66637A38

For the last year and a half we've known Brittney would be leaving us before we were ready for her to go. I've spent hours and hours each day during that time imagining what life would be like without her. I never could have imagined it would be this hard to live without her. In the months leading up to her death, the cancer had taken such a brutal toll on her both mentally and physically. The hardest part for me was to feel so helpless all the nights she cried out in pain from her tumors. That Brittney, the Brittney who's quality of life had deteriorated so much, that was the Brittney I was able to let go almost three weeks ago. But as I sit and look at old photos of Britt and read journal entries of hers from days when life was so good and seemed endless, that's the Brittney that I'm having a very difficult time being without.

It's difficult to imagine something more important on the other side of the veil than raising three beautiful children here on earth but I have faith that Brittney was called Home for a truly divine calling. Since her passing I have received emails, cards, phone calls, etc...expressing how deeply Brittney has touched the lives of those around her. I think a good part of Brittney's mission on this earth was to touch those around her that no one else could. I know many years ago I was one of those people.

I can't express in words how much I miss and love my eternal companion Brittney. Some days the grief seems so overwhelming without her here with me. However, I do know Brittney is always close. On many occassions lately, when I've felt I can't go on I have felt her lift me up. I know she's there. I have seen her strength in my three children as we've tried adjusting to life without her. It's difficult not to be able to share the joys of raising our children together. It's difficult not to wake up with her in the mornings and give her a kiss before I leave for work. But as difficult as life seems right now I Know I'll be with her again someday. No thought makes me more happy than to look forward to when I will get to embrace her again and know she is cancer free. I miss Britt every second of every day, and I will do so the rest of my life. But I take such comfort in knowing that my time without her is short. I know because of the Temple we will be together again, and how happy that time will be because we'll never be apart again.

It's a very humbling task to know I've been entrusted with the duty of raising my three children without Brittney here physically. But I know Britt's influence will be just as strong in Harmony, Brynn and Boston's lives as it was when she was here on this earth. As most people around us have come to know we have an amazing support system of family, friends and neighbors. Britt made sure I had this support system in place before she left...she wanted to make sure I wouldn't screw these kids up too bad. In the nearly three weeks since Brittney passed away I have seen a change not only in my life but in my children's lives and the lives of those family members around me. That change has come because of the Christlike example Brittney was throughout her entire life.

I know the work Brittney is doing now is so important. It's difficult to understand it being more important than being with us, but that's mostly just me being selfish. I know Britt is never very far away from us. She left a legacy behind that ranks up there with some of the greatest people who have ever walked this earth. I know no one would argue with that. I miss you Brittney, I love you and I can't wait to see you again. -Love you forever!