Today is the six month mark since Britt passed away. It's hard to believe we've been going through life these last six months without Britt here. It definitely isn't how I prefer to live life. I miss her as much today as I did the day she passed away. Not having her here certainly hasn't gotten any easier. If you step back for a few minutes though and look at everything that has happened to our family over these past six months it's obvious how prominent of a role Britt still plays in our lives. I think the kids and I feel her influence one way or another each and everyday...whether we realize it or not.
Over the past six months I've had several people tell me of dreams they've had of her. In every instance they comment that she has had long black hair. I really have no idea what she looks like now but when I picture her with her long black hair again, something that she hadn't had in years due to all the chemo, I can't wait to see that long, flowing black hair again.
This past week was a rough week for our family. On Saturday Harmony was baptized. This was a significant day for several reasons. First, when we found out Brittney was terminal her biggest goal was to live to see Harmony baptized...that was all she cared about was making it to that day. It was quite an emotional day without Britt here that day but I think we all felt extremely close to her throughout the day on Saturday. Second, this was an important step for Harmony and our family in our progression toward becoming an eternal family. Renae made Harmony's baptism dress. I couldn't believe how beautiful and grown up she looked. So much of Brittney is manifested through Harmony...it's really incredible. These last few months I really think Harmony has been the glue that's held our family together. She does so much for everyone...she's definitely not a typical 8 year old. It was so wonderful to have so many family and friends come out and support Harmony on her special day. I know I'll never forget that day.
I guess the significance of the six month mark today is that I realize I can do this. A lot of days I don't want to do it without Britt. A lot of days I get extremely frustrated and upset that she's not here to do this with me and share in these memories the kids and I are making...but I know she's never far. I have no idea how the next six months will be but I'm confident that what Britt says "Life if good with your family by your side" will hold true. That's all I need...although it doesn't hurt that the 2010 Baseball season is just 27 short days away. Go SOX!
I love you Britt...I miss you.
