Tuesday, March 9, 2010

6 Months

Today is the six month mark since Britt passed away. It's hard to believe we've been going through life these last six months without Britt here. It definitely isn't how I prefer to live life. I miss her as much today as I did the day she passed away. Not having her here certainly hasn't gotten any easier. If you step back for a few minutes though and look at everything that has happened to our family over these past six months it's obvious how prominent of a role Britt still plays in our lives. I think the kids and I feel her influence one way or another each and everyday...whether we realize it or not.

Over the past six months I've had several people tell me of dreams they've had of her. In every instance they comment that she has had long black hair. I really have no idea what she looks like now but when I picture her with her long black hair again, something that she hadn't had in years due to all the chemo, I can't wait to see that long, flowing black hair again.

This past week was a rough week for our family. On Saturday Harmony was baptized. This was a significant day for several reasons. First, when we found out Brittney was terminal her biggest goal was to live to see Harmony baptized...that was all she cared about was making it to that day. It was quite an emotional day without Britt here that day but I think we all felt extremely close to her throughout the day on Saturday. Second, this was an important step for Harmony and our family in our progression toward becoming an eternal family. Renae made Harmony's baptism dress. I couldn't believe how beautiful and grown up she looked. So much of Brittney is manifested through Harmony...it's really incredible. These last few months I really think Harmony has been the glue that's held our family together. She does so much for everyone...she's definitely not a typical 8 year old. It was so wonderful to have so many family and friends come out and support Harmony on her special day. I know I'll never forget that day.

I guess the significance of the six month mark today is that I realize I can do this. A lot of days I don't want to do it without Britt. A lot of days I get extremely frustrated and upset that she's not here to do this with me and share in these memories the kids and I are making...but I know she's never far. I have no idea how the next six months will be but I'm confident that what Britt says "Life if good with your family by your side" will hold true. That's all I need...although it doesn't hurt that the 2010 Baseball season is just 27 short days away. Go SOX!

I love you Britt...I miss you.


Amy said...

What a special day it was. You did an amazing job Steven, honestly not only did you feel Britt there, but the spirit was so amazingly strong. We sure were glad that we got to spend some time with you guys, your whole family is so special to us.

Brittni said...

I think you are doing a great job! I am sure your wife is looking down with a smile.

Brittni (Jamie Joyal's sister)

Mindy said...

Harmony looks so beautiful and grown up! 6 months... you've really done well, and done so many meaningful things with your kids. I'm sure Britt appreciates every little thing you do to help your kids feel her in their lives. We miss her too.

Brandi said...

We think and pray for you everyday! Go Yankee's!

Natalie said...

Harmony has grown up just in the short time since we've moved out of the ward. She is turning into a lovely young lady - one that Brittney is surely proud of! You are a great dad and it makes me happy for you that you have baseball to look forward to!

partypatt said...

Thanks for your beautiful post. I didn't realize Harmony was getting baptized. I hope she had a special day. Your family is beautiful! I love the image of Brittney with long black hair. I know she was smiling down on you and her children on Saturday. You are doing an amazing job, Steven. Keep going.

The Gibby's said...

You are a strong person steven. I wouldn't expect anything less from the man Brittney fell in love with.
Congratulations on harmony's baptism!!

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