Has it Really Been a Month?

It's been a month since Brittney passed away. In some ways I seems like it was just yesterday that we were all gathered around the bed as she passed on, and in other ways it seems like it happened so long ago. The kids and I are starting to settle into somewhat of a routine each day. I don't think it's getting easier at all yet for us but I think we're starting to accept it better and the realness of it is starting to set in.

Unfortunately as life without Britt is becoming more of a reality for the kids and I, the loneliness of not having her here each day sets in a little more. Britt always loved to cuddle in the cold months of Fall and Winter. As it's gotten colder lately I've really missed that feeling of her snuggling up to me to keep warm. It's a lot of little things that really make me miss her. I can deal with not having her here for the Holidays (I hope), or vacations and things like that...Right now it's hard to deal with missing all of those little things. I keep hearing it will get better with time and I suppose some things will but I don't think I'll ever adjust to not having her here.

The kids have been a huge source of strength to me, especially lately. They believe with no hesitation that Britt is always somewhere close to us. Since she passed away we've started going to a Temple on Sunday afternoon and walking around the Temple grounds to feel close to Britt. The kids absolutely love being on the Temple grounds on these quiet Sunday afternoons. They are convinced Britt walks with us and I would like to think so as well. Our kids mirror Britt in so many ways. Anyone who knows my kids know how special they are. I'm so blessed to have them here with me still on this earth. Everyday I see them I'm assured that I'll get through these days no matter how hard they seem.

One thing I'll especially miss this October is Britt watching the playoffs with me. Every October since she was diagnosed with Cancer we've watched the Red Sox in the post season together. She never cared a whole lot about the game but she always did it because she knew how much I enjoyed it and how much I loved when she would sit down and watch a game with me. Last night was the first game of the playoffs, and no offense to my pal Jon who watched the game with me, but I definately felt the void of not having Britt there next to me to watch the Sox play. It's those little things that make us so happy. Good thing I still have 3 other little things that continue to make me happy......my kids. I love you Britt. I hope the weather is warmer where you are.