The Polar Express

A few years ago Brittney & I took the girls on the Polar Express up in Heber City. They had a really good time and we had been wanting to take them again but every Christmas since that year Britt was doing chemo and so it wasn't very easy to get out and do it again. The night before Thanksgiving Grandma Nise surprised the kids with tickets for the Polar Express. They were pretty stoked to put on their pyjama's, ride a train and see Santa. It's not the cheapest thing to take your kids to do in the winter, but it's definately something they will remember.

The kids and I survived our first Thanksgiving without Britt. Before we headed over to Bart & Renae's to eat the kids and I stopped by the cemetery to wish Britt a Happy Thanksgiving. It was extremely noticeable and empty without her here this year but it was nice to have all of our family around to help us through the day. I think for the most part the kids are getting use to Britt not being around. Life seems to be normal to them now. As for me, her being gone is painfully obvious everyday especially since we are in the Holiday season and all three of the kids birthday's are coming up.

Tonight the kids and I did what I have been dreading the most since Britt passed away...decorate the house for Christmas. Every year decorating the house was one of the things Britt and I looked forward to the most. We'd pull out all of the Christmas boxes, get some pizza, put on Christmas music and spend the rest of the evening with the kids decorating the house. This has always been my favorite part of Christmas. As I pulled the boxes down tonight I was not wanting to unpack them...partly because Britt always packs the boxes up after Christmas and I have no idea how she makes everything fit back in them...but mainly I just didn't want to look around the house and not see her putting the stockings up. Britt's favorite thing to put up each year is her Nativity sets. A few years ago she got one of the Willow Tree Nativity sets and she absolutely loved it. In fact it usually never came down until around April because she loved having it up so much. Each year she unpacks each piece from its box and is very careful in arranging the scene. It was the one thing I didn't want to pull out tonight but I knew it wouldn't feel right if I left it put away. I got the sense that the kids missed Britt a little more tonight when I pulled the Nativity out. Luckily I had Harmony to help me put it up and arrange the pieces right.

Now if I could only fast forward to March or April and skip the next few months that would be fantastic.....Happy Holidays Britt...we love and miss you.

Happy 30th Britt!!!

11/19/09 - Today is Britt's 30th Birthday. I've been dreading this day since she passed away. I thought for sure she was going to make it to her 30th birthday. This afternoon the entire family gathered around her grave and launched 30 pink balloons. The kids drew pictures and attached letters to the balloons in hopes that they would float up to her in Heaven. It was a really neat experience even though it was extremely emotional for me. After the cemetery we headed over to a new pizza joint in Provo. Britt loved pizza places like this and we thought it was fitting to celebrate her there. I miss you Britt. Hope you liked your party today. And thanks to Kat for taking all the great photos today.

Fall, Fall, Fall

It's been 8.5 weeks now since Britt passed away. The kids and I have been trying to keep as busy as we can, and honestly time is passing by pretty quick which is nice. Each day we seem to adjust a little more to life without her, unfortunately for me that doesn't mean it gets any easier. Dinner time doesn't seem quite so odd anymore and I suppose it will seem more and more normal with just the four of us as time goes on. The kids still ask lots of questions about their mom but they know she's close. For the last five weeks the kids have been begging to go up to Bridal Veil Falls and ride their bike along the trail...we usually go up there in the fall to enjoy the changing leaves. We finally made it up there today and the kids absolutely loved it.

On our way back home we decided to stop by the cemetery. It was the first time we've been out there together since the funeral which was eight weeks ago today. I think we were all a little uncomfortable when we saw her headstone. It's such a surreal experience to actually see her name on the headstone staring back at you. In a lot of ways it still doesn't seem real. I guess people are right when they say time heals the pain, but time definately doesn't heal the loneliness. If anything I'm finding time makes that worse. The kids and I have become a much closer family in these last several weeks and they are really helping me get through the days. Last night I was upstairs reading and they were downstairs watching a movie. At one point all three of them started laughing hysterically. I can't remember the last time I've heard them laugh like that but it was such a great thing to hear. These three kids of ours are so incredibly strong. I look at them everyday and know I can get through the day because of them. It's weird being a single dad of three kids. Now that we have a routine established it can get a little overwhelming to try and do everything for them that they need. So far they haven't complained too much so I guess I'm at least meeting their basic needs. One of the more amazing things I've seen lately is how close they have seemed to get to each other. They still fight and argue here and there, but there is a willingness in each one of them to help one another when they sense the other one having a tough time. My kids are seriously so fantastic. It really is like Britt was split into thirds and Harmony, Brynn, & Boston were created from those parts...they are absolutely their mother...unfortuntately for me they are going to be just as good looking as their mother and that scares the crap out of me.


Halloween - Harmony & Brynn were Gabriella & Sharpay from High School Musical, Boston was a Red Sox player.

The MLB playoffs caused Boston to hit the bottle a litte this year...poor kid.

Don't worry...it was only Apple Beer.

See what I'm talking about...I'm in big trouble.

To most people this picture is nothing special...for those that know my kids and know how terrified they are of ANY animal, know how amazing this picture is.

The Kids at Cornbelly's.

The kids at Squaw Peak.

Bridal Veil Falls.